Continuing the previous Post, in what concerns healthier Egos, the necessity to make a living limits the choices of one’s direction in life. However, it also helps to build a more strengthened Ego, i.e, one supposed to cope with difficulties, choices and their consequences[1]. Going back to clinics, we have previously referred to Ego (identity) as individuals’ healthier side[2], because it is the dimension of the Self (me), responsible for self-perception, ie, how people feel and perceive themselves as beings within the word, who are capable of building relationships, making projects or making their lives meaningful. Therefore, in this sense, a strengthened ego is one with sufficient self-restraint/contention. It is easy to associate self- restraint with something negative, which is not necessarily true. Over-contention/restraint is negative, and is what happens in sexual repression, for instance. But lack of contention is also negative since contention (or restraint) is what enables people to manage their anxiety, among other things.[3]. Therefore, a sufficient level of restraint is a good definition of balanced emotional health. And it is also what enables people to move forward, to pursue their dreams - the satisfaction of their needs and desires. It doesn’t mean that need for survival is a compulsory aspect to build a strengthened Ego. There are lots of people in great necessity and lacking contour, with panic disorders, for instance, while others, who had never had to worry about making a living, are healthy and creative. This topic will be developed in the next Posts. Bearing that in mind, it is plausible to conclude that personal motivations could be divided into two main pillars - wishes (desires) and necessity (survival). Necessity, in general, forces people to find a direction because they have to make a living and handle their lives. Necessity also helps making clearer plans, since they need to be achievable. This requires from people expectations that are more aligned with reality, i. e, that helps them make step by step plans, evaluate risks to, then, choose a path. Last but not least, choosing a path involves gaining a few things and losing others. Such evolution (of planning skills) builds a virtuous cycle in which people will inevitably be in contact with failures and victories but, during the process, will also learn how to search for goals and reach them. Most importantly, they will know what it is like to feel gratified by their personal achievements. On the other side, desires are what drives people. Getting to know our real desires may be such a hard task, regardless of our necessities, but it is also what drives motivation and combativeness to achieving them. However, what is culturally different is the creative expectation and the transitory assumption of paths and relationships. In addition, when people are already insecure, this may be an excuse to postpone having a job and starting to work. This creates a vulnerable cycle[4]-one in which they may end up avoiding feedback on their work and competences and, as a result, they might become more insecure. The question is: how is this linked to anxiety?
To be continued in the next Post [1] For more details see Post 9- The transition from Millennials to Centennials- New aspirations of life. In: www.ceciliapsicologa.org [2] For more details see Post 4- Culture and Ego, in Cultural influences on Identity. In: www.ceciliapsicologa.org [3] It is worth mentioning that we are not talking about individuals whose psychopathologies result in a lack of autonomy/independence. We are addressing potential healthy/creative people that, however, feel lost and can’t find their track in life. [4] I’m borrowing the term created by Sheinkmen, M. to diagnose marriage crisis. The vulnerability cycle: Working with Impasses in Couple Therapy. In: Michelle Skeinkmen, CSW and Nona Dekoven Fishbane. In: Proc., Vol 4, September 2004.
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