In this post we will reflect on clinical conflicts associated with gender. These conflicts usually refer to:1) Admitting they feel different from the other people or from what is considered to be “normal” and 2) Understanding in which point in the Spectrum they stand- whether they are binaries or gender nonconforming. Besides these two points, another kind of conflict has emerged in the last decades in sexual and loving relationships, which is how to define one’s sexual orientation in couples in which one of them is gender fluid and for whom this is a relevant issue. If people had experienced too many conflicts until they felt ready to admit they are homosexuals, for example, how do they feel about being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t feel binary? These sorts of issues reflect conflicts of today’s couples in situations in which one of them are gay/lesbian and the other is fluid. Keeping in mind that our goal is a clinical understanding of conflicts, we will divide them into two groups: relational and internalized ones. In the first group we have, for example, people who decide to admit their condition/sexual orientation. Once they tell the world how they feel, how do family and society see that? These are usually anxious and painful situations. Society barely accepts them and usually treats them with hostility and even violence. Despite individual anguishes, though, these conflicts are focused on relationships, they are relational ones. Besides that, they bring real (or circumstantial) anguishes, which means they are linked to external “impediments” and are proportional to the psychological harm caused by them. LGBTQIA+ people have been coping with and fighting against these situations. strengthening their identities as individuals and as a group (peers and sympathizers) while claiming for medical and social support. Their claims are, in short, their “right to belong”, which means: 1) Their right to be taken care of, ie, to have medical assistance and be included in a psychiatric category. At first sight, trying to be included in a psychiatric category may sound confusing but, in fact, it is not. It is a way to have access to treatment- for example surgeries- when the condition is evaluated as an emotional health problem-, as well as the right to have access to qualified psychiatric and psychological support. These conditions, invariably, bring much discomfort and anxiety. It is crucial that they have support- knowing they are not alone, that others feel that way and that there are specialized professionals for these kinds of suffering/associated conditions who will be able to help them.
2) The right to belong to a social category- to be seen as citizens. They contend that people are worthy as human beings, in their unique peculiarities. Regardless the differences, whatsoever, everybody deserves respect. Every way of being and loving is legitimate. Differences from the norm are not necessarily deficits, they might just be anomalies, Canguilhem[1] would have said. In these cases, some people claim their right to go through sexual transition surgeries, for instance, because they don’t feel their gender correspond to what would be expected for their sex assigned at birth. These two categories don’t seem to have excluding demands, at least when considered as policies. In a nutshell, they are intellectual and civil battles for rights. However, from a psychological point of view, there are subtleties that are worth mentioning. Human beings are imperfect and ambivalent. Trying to “fit” some category might bring relieve, though, many times, doesn’t solve their problems and bring other anxieties. In these cases, there might be internalized (hidden) conflicts which people are not aware of. I will focus on one kind of internalized conflict that concerns (self) rejection. In such circumstances, although defining Gender is crucial, it won’t stop the dissatisfaction and the feeling of “not existentially fitting”. If rejection issues are not explored, people will have to deal with contradictory feelings regarding if they decide to undergo surgery, for example . Consequently, let me mention some of the hidden conflicts that could arise: A) The feeling of not fitting any rule, of being different, hence, having an emotional disorder. B) Once the transition is made, how to deal with the existential dissatisfaction that is still there? How to admit they still don’t feel exactly like a man or a woman? In fact, how to deal with the feeling of not knowing where they stand in the Spectrum…C) Would it be a betrayal to the group that had welcomed them? Or, yet, an insult to the suffering of the people who felt they had to decide for a side, both regarding gender identity or sexual orientation? On the whole, from an existential point of view, between feminine and masculine, a lot of things happen[2][3][4]…Above all, people should feel at ease as much as possible regarding their own ambivalences. This way, they will be able to dig into hidden conflicts which will lead to (self) rejection.
To be continued in the next Post
[1] Canguilhem.
[1] According to Michael J.Ryan (biologicist): gender identity is a concept exclusively applied to humans(…).Whereas, regarding roles/performances (Gender performativity), says Butler: “(…)gender is not an expression of what one is, but rather something that one does”.[121] . Finally, according to Bornstein, K. (gender theorist) :”(…) gender can have ambiguity and fluidity.[37]”
[1] See also, Episode 3- Clinical Reflections. Chapter IX-Contemporary Anguishes, in: Talking about psychology with Cecília Leite . In: YouTube
[1]See also: The struggles of rejecting gender binary. In : New York Times magazine. June 2019.
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