CONJUGAL BOND
CONJUGAL BOND STRUCTURE
Compensation Bond
Compensation Bond
This bond describes neurotic bond between the couple. It refers to psychological dependence bonds that use to be delegate to love partners, friends, objects during life. In relationships these bonds are delegated as psychological functions, without awareness form the delegating subjected and the receptor’s consent. Its most important point is the its strongest aspect to Enchantment’s built relies on the function the partner has on emotional balance of the person. These relationships, in a way, are similar to infatuation because they repeat the completeness and safety sensation on the person that delegates the function and are relations that tend to be felt as necessaire and unconditional to their happiness.
Psychological delegated functions can be:
1) of care: it means delegating to the other the function of taking care of themselves- their material and affective interests. These people use to have much difficulty in handling with the responsibility of taking care of their wishes and necessities. They use to fall in love with someone who, unconsciously, do this function. They tend to fall in love with who does this function but, as time goes by, they will tend to demand and charge it from the partner. The demands and charges can generate a tension focus, if the partner at some point, does not feel like doing or keeping this pattern anymore.
2) of judgment: Refers to the capacity of expressing themselves and being able to judge their own actions and behaviours. These people tend to cause or provoke, in the other, the sort of attitude and behaviour they are not able to have. In other words, regardless the relation, the: friend, boss, brother, sister, husband or wife, they tend to judge their life situations, which is something they should be able to do by themselves. In love relationships, these people tend to fall in love with someone that fulfill this function. As time goes by, the weigh of having to judge approve or disapprove all the partners attitudes can bring up tension and conflict focuses, generating a hostile atmosphere between the couple.
3) of guidance: in these cases people delegate to partners guidance. This way, the partner is in charge to guide, organize and structure the other’s life directions in areas that should be their responsibility be in charge to plan. This pattern can wear the relationship out when the one in charge of guiding and directing the other’s way gets tired of having this responsibility, bringing up tension and hostility focuses to the relationship.
In any of the cases above, if the partner in charge of solving the other’s life regarding some specific function gets tired, the one who used to delegate the function feels betrayed, abandoned and desperate. The emotional intensity disproportion is clear for an adult, in charge of his life. It is proportional, though, to how abandon these people feel regarding these functions, which they felt free, for while, of the need to face and overcome on their own.
Psychotherapeutic Strategy
The therapist should explain that this way of functioning has always existed, not clearly, in both of them. Clarify how psychological function are delegated and neurotic complementary roles happen.
Convenience Bond
Convenience Bond enhances all aspects related to de Conjugal Bond that exclude de partners or their personality, constitutes de focus of attraction and enchantment for one or both of them and the crucial aspect on marriage’s decision. It could be, for instance, getting out of a sense of privation big enough to make other aspects or differences secondaries. Privation could mean: being alone for a long time, the wish to be a mother or any link that can settle this relationship in a way that other aspects or differences are put in a secondary place, such as: religion, ethnicity, ecc.
This sort of link settle establishes a covered convenience that, when solved, tends to empty the relationship because, had not it been for this reason, this couple would not have a project of sharing their lives.[1] A covered convenience happens, for instance, when the wish to be a mother hides admitting that, had not be for this reason, there would not be a project of sharing lives strong enough to support the decision to marry. Or, in another example, when the strongest link between the couple is religious belief. As time goes by, the couple finds out that, had not be for this reason, they would not have many affinities or even share the same moral convictions. The key point of this conjugal crisis is the sudden lack of interest that follows emptiness in the relationship. It happens, from one or form both sides, when the convenience is solved. This is the Master Bond for understanding and for the resolution of Conjugal Crisis.
[1] I will not include cases in which the convenience is open because, most of the times, they do not come to couple’s therapy. They do not come either because the situation is known for them and don’t trigger conflicts for the one who is the object of convenience or because there is a complicity in the convenience that can even be not that ethical, but is definitely not neurotic.
Conjugal Bond
Estrutura do Vínculo Conjugal (casamento)
Psychotherapeutic Strategy
1- Making clear how important was the convenience for the project of marriage.
2- The gratefulness towards the person who helped them solving the psychological difficulty or state is very close to infatuation.
3- Clarify the straight relation between solving the convenience (privation, for instance) and the sudden emptiness in which loving bond can be felt.
Another brunch of the Convenience crisis is what Dias calls:
Convenience crisis regarding the couple’s assets and fruits
These are very common cases and their central characteristic is the competition between the couple for rights and importance in their decisions and choices, such as:
· Who has more rights to enjoy the couple’s fruits.
· Who has priority or the more importance in the couple or family projects.
Psychotherapeutic Strategy
1-Making clear that if these aspects are not clearly defined in the relationship, they can turn into a competition that, in other words, is a power competition.
For instance, decisions regarding school, vacation and, even, leisure: the couple can have their relationship spoiled because of daily nitpickings that hidden frustration and feeling of disqualification.
2- Settling a candor talk about the aspects of the relationship that have been covered, so far.
This way, they are able to stop using family situations as an excuse for acts of resentments and, sometimes, without awareness, of revenge. The arguments, in these cases, use to be for superficial reasons, which hidden the uncomfortable atmosphere they have to deal with in daily lives.
3- Clarifying that a Conjugal Bond is also a societal partnership
4-Settling consensual criteria the guide them into partnership deals.
CRISIS STRUCTURAL DIAGNOSIS
Master Bond's Diagnosis
The diagram created by Dias, V. is known as "Tent". The analogy with a Circus Tent is interesting not only because it addresses the image of a structure that can't be hold alone but also because it address the fact that the most important pillar is the one accountable for the Tent to stay strong and firm. If an auxiliary pilar is broke, the Tent changes its configuration but doesn't fall down.If , instead, the Master Bond is broke, Conjugal Bond is in danger of collapse.
Conjugal Bond Structure (Marriage)
To be continued on the next Post
Comments