CONJUGAL CRISIS STRUCTURAL DIAGNOSIS
Added to psychodramatic techniques
Introduction
MARRIAGE= CONJUGAL BOND= SHARING LIVES’ PROJECT
The proposal is to present Psychodramatic Analysis’[1] methodology to treat conjugal crisis, by counting on three steps: understanding, evaluating and using techniques that help to trigger and discharge covered emotions in patients speeches.
Conjugal Bond is built on three structuring pillars: loving, compensation and convenience. Couple’s therapy is divided in two moments
1) Research into the Evolution of the Loving Bond
In some cases, the Evolution goes through infatuation. Regardless this, every loving bond goes through a moment of idealizing the partner, which we call Fascination phase. The therapist’s goal, at this stage, is to work on “partner’s “deidealization” in what we call Disappointment. So, the Fascination’s phase goes through “deidealizing” the partner and steps to disappointment, so as to reach emotional growth.
[1] Psyhcodramatic Analyses is the methodology developed by Dias, V.S., from Escola Paulista de Psicodrama (São Paulo, Brazil). It contemplates: Cenesthetic Phase-Correpondence between phenomenic and psychological development phases Dreams decoding- Resource to work over deeper conflicts Techniques adapted from Moreno’s Psychodrama: resource to help working over the conflicts of daily life AP’s methodology is oriented to individual clinical sessions, to couples and family therapy. The techniques, however, can be adapted to therapeutic groups without deeper conflicts research purposes. [2] Master Bond’s concept will be explained in the sequence. [3] It is a didactic distinction. In practice, both researches happens simultaneously.
Loving Bond
Loving Bond is constituted by eroticized attraction between loving partners. It is the Love’s Sustaining bond. Fascination phase is either an infatuation phase or not. If it comes together with infatuation, it repeats, in some way, mother and baby’s dyadic relation, which means it is felt with the same intensity and unconditional expectation felt by the baby.
Loving Bond is constituted by three possible attraction focus:
1) Arousal- Sexual and physical attraction. It concerns to touch, skin fit between the couple. We say they are physically in tune.
2) Affective Attraction- Attraction focus is the affinities between the couple, such as life style, behaviors, personalities, ways of expressing themselves
3) Intellectual Attraction-Attraction focus is in spiritual or moral values and ways of leading life.
Loving Bond
Loving Bond Evolution
The first step is understanding what is the attraction focus for each of the partners and what is mutual and syntonic[1] focus between them. It will be the most important or the Master Bond- Loving Bond’s sustainer.
[1] O termo sintonia, nesse contexto, é usado na sua acepção psicológica, como harmonia: modo semelhante de pensar, de sentir; em que há acordo, equilíbrio ou concordância: ele estava em sintonia com ela e/ou, no sentido figurado, como sinônimo de reciprocidade; simpatia que faz com que alguém se aproxime de outra pessoa: eles estavam em sintonia (Aurelio online)
For instance, John falls in love with Maria. He is mostly attracted for her beauty. He approaches her in a party. Maria is enchanted for his intelligence, his ability for speeches and his way of leading life. They begin to hang out and find out they think life the same way and admire one another. Despite the different source of focus attraction, the great complicity of this couple is in the values and way of thinking life- Intellectual attraction focus. The focus of attraction they are in tune, spreads out for the other focus. Regardless the different enchantment source of attraction for each one, the mayor complicity between them is in values and way of thinking and leading lives- intellectual attraction focus.
The syntonic attraction focus spreads to the other focuses so that it seems as if they were all syntonic. This stage is known as Enchantment. Enchantment can happen together with infatuation or not. Anyhow, its main characteristic is idealizing the partner and the relationship. At this stage, the partner is seen and felt as perfect and the feeling of tenderness and admiration-directly linked to eroticization- spreads to the other aspects of relationship.
In the example above, the intellectual complicity and syntony spreads to other aspects of relationship, hiding the dissonances between the partners.
This stage ever happens between the couple in a lasting relationship and can be detected and worked out or avoided for the couple. The work’s focus, at this stage is, firstly, offering a holding setting, so that they make themselves comfortable to be exposed in their most neurotic and fragile aspects and to talk about the failed expectations regarding their relationship.
As time goes by, neglected differences may cause tension focuses in relationship. If couple comes to therapy at this stage, investigating the syntonic focus between them is the key to understand to severity crisis level. . If crisis is not installed in the main focus, is less severe. If, instead, is located in Master Bond[1], is a severe crisis.
In cases both of them wish to reinvest in recovering relationship, both agree to stay together and are able to create an intimate atmosphere, followed by "reenchantment" phases. The relationship tends to be less intense, but more firm and mature.
If, on the other hand, frustrations and deceptions are avoided, the relationship can turn into a mutual accusation ring that contributes to an escalation in hostile atmosphere, sometimes, with no possible going back in time. These cases tend to turn into hate relationships. If they are ignored, they tend to create a dissimulating atmosphere, in which tacit agreement is that they search, separately, to fulfill their wishes and needs, without sharing with each other. These kind of relationship tend to reach an indifferent state of hard recover, depending on the deterioration level it is.
So far, we care considering that the main sustaining bond of relationship is the loving one.
The diagram above summarizes Loving Bond’s Evolution:
Psychotherapeutic strategy
When the Master Bond is in the Loving Bond, the psychotherapist work is, firstly, to investigate the attraction focus for each of the partners and the syntonic bond for Loving Bond ‘s Constitution. Secondly, to work on “De enchantment”. It is a fundamental stage in couple’s therapy. Actually, the psychotherapist research always goes through De enchantment. Even if the Master Bond is in another bond, we need to search if they have the wish to reinvest and recover the marriage. If the answer is positive, the relationship tend to be have “reenchantment” phases. It will not be as intense as it was before, but tend to be more mature. It means a relation in which they frankly talk, feel exposed in their most fragile or neurotic aspects and take off from relationship the onus of idealized expectations.
One efficient technique to work on this phase is the Role Reversal. It is important to stress the Role Reversal is a technique with specific indication: making each one feels in the other shoes. If well succeeded, people detach, for a while, of their own suffering, being able to feel in the other shoes. The technique will be describe in the last part of the work.
[1] Psychodramatic Analyses is the methodology developed by Dias, V.S., from Escola Paulista de Psicodrama (São Paulo, Brazil). It contemplates: Cenesthetic Phase- Correspondence between sensorial and psychological development phases Dreams decoding- Resource to work over deeper conflicts Techniques adapted from Moreno’s Psychodrama: resource to help working over the conflicts of daily life AP’s methodology is oriented to individual clinical sessions, to couples and family therapy. The techniques, however, can be adapted to therapeutic groups without deeper conflicts research purposes.
[1]Sintony is a concept borrowed by physics to describe mutual attraction between two substances. It s being used, in these context, as a metaphor to describe to mutual attraction between two persons (or to describe how they would be in tune) [2] Master Bond’s concept is used to describe the attraction focus where they are in tune and the attraction focus in which Conjugal bond lies. [3] It is a didactic distinction. In practice, both researches happens simultaneously.
To be continued on the next Post
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